Rewriting Your Story
3 Ways to Love a Vampire
One of the most important parts to a good story is the supporting cast. When creating our own story it’s important that we populate our world with loving, supportive people and release the toxic ones. The first part to this process is determining which ones are which. We do this by trusting our inner wisdom and letting it guide us. In Marci Shimoff’s book Happy for No Reason she describes it as our inner GPS and we all have one.
It’s a simple technique where you close your eyes, take a deep breath and focus on your body. While doing this, imagine each person in your life, one by one, and feel which ones expand you and which ones contract you. Make a list with a line down the center of the paper and put each one into one of those 2 categories. It’s important that you don’t judge with your mind and just trust your body. Once you have done this with everyone in your life you’ll have an idea of who is filling you up with the love and support you need and who is draining you of it – your happiness vampires.
In a fantasy story, the next step would be pretty simple, right? Surround yourself with the ones who fill your bucket with love and support and release the vampires who drain you. Simple, right? WRONG!
What about all your family and friends who you love?
If you’re like me, you probably have people in your life who you love dearly even though it might take you weeks to recover, emotionally from a family gathering. You also may have co-workers who you have to see on a regular basis who make you want to rush home and take a hot bath after spending 8 hours with them. These are just facts of life sometimes.
Fortunately, you get to create whatever type of story you like from that set of facts because it’s your story which you are producing and directing. It’s important to remember…
You are the one setting the boundaries in your life.
Like that good ol’ boy Dr. Phil says, “We teach people how to treat us by what we accept and don’t accept from them. We can do this without confrontation by giving them the love and respect they deserve.
Here are 3 ways you can include the vampires in your love story.
- Be a carnival mirror. I used to love those mirrors at the carnival. I’d stand in front of it and it would reflect an image back to me that was completely different from the one I expected. Mirrors are like kryptonite to vampires. An Italian neuroscientist named Dr. Rizzolatti discovered neurons in our brains called “mirror neurons.” They’re the things that cause us to yawn or cross our legs or do any number of subconscious acts when someone else does them. By being conscious of our responses to others we can choose what we mirror back to someone. If you have to talk to a vampire who is draining you with angry or negative talk, consciously soften your gaze and remain neutral while using body language that’s the opposite of the vampire.
- Create an invisible shield. You can imagine you’re shining a bright light on them or holding a cross up to them. This will give you a feeling of emotional protection and may help buffer a desire to respond negatively back to them.
- Remember whose story you’re creating. Don’t try to change the other person. It’s very tempting to point out the “error of their ways” but it seldom accomplishes anything other than more toxic shit. The most effective way to influence others is to model the behavior you’d like to see in them.
Shower your loved ones with love and give them a starring role in your amazing life story.