To Enable or Not To Enable

Stop second guessing yourself every time your addicted loved one asks for help.

I spent years doing this with my own kids. Every time I refused to “help” them when they asked for money, food, shelter, or any of the hundreds of things they asked of me while in their active addiction, I got this sick feeling in my stomach.

Then the self-talk would start.

  • What kind of father are you?
  • What if he/she’s really sincere this time?
  • What if this time he/she is going to get clean and I’m preventing it?
  • What if I say no and he/she dies?

That’s just a few of the common ones posed to me by the co-dependent committee members sitting around the conference table in my head.

The truth is, I always knew the right answer in my heart but I made them difficult by processing them through the filter of my own story about what makes a good father. It wasn’t until I did my own work and rewrote that outdated script from years ago about what makes a good man, that I was able to give them clear, decisive answers each time and stand my ground when they used those masterful manipulator skills every addict has.

In hindsight, I could have saved myself ( and maybe my kids too) a lot of years of pain and struggle if I’d realized that it was always about me and my story and I could rewrite that script any time I wanted.

But, as they say, we don’t know what we don’t know.

I’m grateful that I do know that today and that I’m able to share that with parents who are going through the same struggles. I was meant to go through all those years so I could show others how they don’t have to with my Hero’s Journey coaching program.

At least, that’s part of my Hero’s Journey story and I’m sticking with it because it empowers me to be the man I want to be.

What’s Your Story? Does it empower you or leave you feeling helpless? I encourage you to give that some deep thought.

In the mean time I’ve created a little cheat sheet for those of you who are constantly wondering if you made the right call just like I was. It’s free and you can download it now by clicking here.

Then I encourage you to print it out and carry it with you.

Until next time, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Love and Gratitude,


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